Obsessions

Memories~ 8)

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:21:48 GMT

Listening to: "Superhuman" by Chris Brown and Keri Hilson
Thinking: about my old entries
Feeling: nostalgic 8)

Hi~ Haha. I just felt like coming back to read my old entries here. After all, most of my college memories were saved in this blog. Feels good to reminisce and look back on the old days, right? ^^

Anyway, if you happen to pass by here... Visit my new blog: SATORI

See you all there! ^0^

Moving on...and moving out. :P

Thu, 22 May 2008 15:30:27 GMT

Listening to: "Mirage" by Loveholic
Thinking: about the past few months :x
Feeling: mixed emotions

Long time no post, eh? ^^;;

I apologize for the extremely loooooong absence. I got busy with school, then I graduated, and now I've turned into this...bum. Haha. A bum who stays at home all day or goes out with friends, depending on her mood and the state of her wallet (whether it's empty or not).

I also got caught up with a lot of things. Like... Love. :x Should I even call it "love"? T_T I'm still very much confused at the moment. So many things have happened since then, I don't even know where to start.

I also started a new blog. I'll post up the link soon. :)

So... Where should I begin? XD

School. As I have already noticed, I graduated from college on April 1, 2008. Yup, I'm an unemployed college grad now. :x If I pass the NCLEX, then I'll be a registered nurse. ^^ Wow. I can't believe I'm saying this. x_X A few months ago, I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to graduate. But now, I've done it... I've conquered college! :D I shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears. It's all over now.

I miss college like hell, though. I really, really do. T_T I miss my classmates, I miss my friends, I miss my classes, I miss my professors... The only thing I don't miss is my uniform. -_-;;

Honestly, graduation was such a sad thing for me. T_T I cried buckets right before graduation (the sobbing, I'm-almost-out-of-breath kind of crying). And I cried so much more a few days after graduation. :(

I bonded with my classmates during our retreat for graduating students... It made me realize just how lucky I was to have such awesome friends. From that point on, I told myself I would enjoy every moment with them as much as I could. And I did. :) I went out with them as much as I could. We hung out at school as much as we could during our remaining days at school. I definitely enjoyed those last few days of being a college student. ^^

I also went out drinking for the last time with my classmates on Valentine's Day. ._.;; A lot of stuff happened. Long story short, it made me realize something else. But I'll keep that to myself. ^^;; My guy friend Jen claims that it was memorable for him because of me and... Haha. Never mind. -_-;;

The clinical graduation, baccalaureate mass and institutional graduation went by like a blur. @_@ And before I knew it, I had already graduated from college. :(

Family. My mom came back for about 5 weeks. She arrived here on March 26th and left on May 5th. :) It was chaotic, to say the least. XD My mom has always been a really noisy person, and she hasn't changed a lot in the twelve months she was away. ^^

I don't like how she spent so much money while she was here, though. T_T It's partly my and my sister's fault, I know... But I still feel guilty about it. :( We could've used all that money for other important things, you know. :x

Friends. Well, nothing much has changed with my friends... I guess I've made more friends in this last semester of college than in any other semester though. I miss them all terribly! T_T

Love. Now this is where everything gets complicated. >.<;;; I finally gave up on G. And there's this new guy. B. :x Well, he's not so new because we were classmates in college for almost 4 years. If you have a keen memory, you might even remember that I've mentioned him a lot in this blog in the past 3 and a half years. I think I started mentioning him here around January 2005...? Haha. He's the guy who used to look a bit like G. But I swear, they have opposite personalities. :x

Well... I gave up on G because I realized that he took me for granted. I have no idea if he liked me back or not. And honestly, I don't want to know anymore. T_T I'm scared that he might like me back because I don't want him to like me back anymore. I've discovered what I really want out of a relationship, and I've also discovered what kind of future boyfriend I'd like to have. He doesn't fit in that description. Sure, he IS my ideal guy, and will probably always be my ideal guy. But "ideal" does not equal "good/right for me".

If you might remember, he applied to med school...and he got accepted. Yes, he got accepted. I am extremely proud of him. :D But I also know that if we ever end up together, he will never have time for me. He never had time for me as an undergrad, and he will never have time for me as a med student. I know what he's like. He'll definitely choose school over anybody else. I admire his determination and his drive, but... When I think of the possibility that we might end up together if he ever liked me back, I also think of how he'll forget about me when he has exams, and how we'll never get to see each other because I'll be going to the States in a year while he'll be in med school here in the Philippines. I am willing to commit, but would he be willing to commit, too? I don't think so. >.<;;

Another thing... I am not completely comfortable when I'm with him. I always have to be on my best behavior with him. While that's not a bad thing because it makes me seek self-improvement, it's not so good because I can't relax and be myself with him. What if he ends up liking me for someone I'm not? :(

Most of all, I can't get over how he hurt me. It happened in March... I don't feel like going into detail about it. But everytime I think of him, I feel hurt. I don't get all spazzy anymore. I can't even text him without feeling a twinge of pain in my heart. I don't think I can continue to like someone like I used to like him when I feel hurt everytime I think of him. :(

It just...hurts.

So, how does B enter the picture? I'm not even sure if B likes me the way I do... And I'm sure I like B, but I dunno if I love him... But the thing is, I really, really, really enjoy his company. I like talking to him, and I just like being with him (awkward and not-so-awkward silences and all). I like how he knows who I really am and still chooses to be with me even though I can be really weird and crazy sometimes. He has seen me spazz, and although he doesn't really like it when I launch into one of my crazy spazzes, he knows that it's a part of my character. He accepts me for what I really am. He has never told me to change myself for him.

I feel comfortable telling him everything. And when I say "everything", I really do mean everything. I've told him the deepest, darkest secrets that I've never really dared to tell anybody else (like stuff about my family :x). I trust him a LOT in that aspect.

I have no idea if he trusts me as much as I trust him, though. We have serious talks every now and then, and it surprises our mutual friends when they find out what we talk about because they claim he never talks about serious things unless he's piss drunk. :x Another thing... He doesn't talk much, and I hate talking on the phone, but we have phone conversations that always last more than an hour. @_@;; I hope that means something. ._.

I even feel comfortable being physically close to him. Like sitting next to him and leaning my head on his shoulder. Or linking my arm with his. Or holding hands. Or hugging. We've never kissed yet (even though he jokes that we should try it out >.<). But the thing is... I've never been comfortable doing these things with anyone else before. Not even my ex. I can't even hold hands with my girl friends because it feels awkward. But when we hold hands, I get this odd feeling in my tummy (butterflies, perhaps? I dunno). And it makes me smile. When I hold his hand (or when he holds mine, whichever you prefer), I feel safe. I feel like I actually connect with someone. I've never felt that comfortable with anyone besides my mother and sister. T_T

I can't trust him with my heart yet, though. I have no idea if he likes me like I like him. T_T But I'm happy with what we have right now. It's a special friendship that only the two of us understand. :)

I don't know why I feel this way with him... I know he has a LOT of flaws. I see those flaws a lot, actually. It gets on my nerves sometimes. I know we have conflicts sometimes. But we always manage to talk about our conflicts, and we find solutions for them. As for his flaws, I don't force him to change for me... But I wish he'd change for the better. ._.;; I know he never talks about his problems much. I wish he'd open up to me, like I open up to him. I want to be there for him like how he seems to always be there for me.

He's not the perfect guy, nor my ideal guy, and he's probably not even the type of guy you'd think I'd be destined to be with (unlike how my thing with G seemed to be "destiny"). But he makes me happy, in his own little ways. He makes me feel better when I'm down. That's what matters, right?

I hope I can do the same for him. ^^;;

So... Yeah. I guess I can elaborate more on the topics I've discussed here, but I'll save them for my new blog. :D

Here's to the end of my college life, and the end of this blog. :)

See you there~ ^^

Here's the link:

:D

Stress!

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:56:50 GMT

Listening to: nothing
Thinking: of all these requirements I need to know
Feeling: stressed x_X

I haven't been updating lately... ._. Who knew that graduating would be so stressful? -_-;;

I'll be back after finals. :D

Nostalgia. sigh High school days.

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 06:43:13 GMT

Listening to: "Nostalgia" by Star Love Fish
Thinking: about high school ;_;
Feeling: nostalgic

Today, I went back to my high school to get some papers (requirements for my graduation from college :x). But before that, I had lunch with Memer and KC, my HS friends. :) We talked and ate and spazzed...

I was looking forward to this day for weeks. :D Actually, I even dreamt about it last night. @_@ I can't remember what it was about exactly, only that I saw some old high school teachers and stuff. :P

It took us quite a while to get to our HS... After all, it was raining. -_-;; When we got there, the security guard asked us why we came. o_o I said I just needed to get some papers from the Dean's Office. I recognized him right away, but it took him a while to recognize me and my friend too. ^^; So he got our IDs and then gave us visitors' passes. Feels like it was just yesterday that I didn't need one because I had my school ID. T_T

Then we went to the Principal's Office. But before we got there, the property custodian stopped us. He asked us where we were going, and I said we were going to the Principal's Office. :) So he said, "Are you sure you're graduates of this school?" and I said, "Of course we are, Mang Alex!" Haha. XD Turns out he was just joking... He recognized us too. :)

So we went inside the Principal's Office. It still looked the same... The secretary was still there... Everyone was still there. o_o But the people inside the Faculty Room were different. T_T Turns out most of the teachers during our time left to work at other places. :( I barely recognized the teachers. ._.;;

But Ma'am Uri (my English/Literature teacher for 2 years) was there, typing away at a computer. :) I asked her how she was, and she said she was okay. We chatted for a while. She even swatted my butt! *lmao* XD She was like, "You've gotten so tall!" She asked me if I was always absent from my classes (like I was back in high school) and I said I had perfect attendance. XD She said, "If you were like that back in high school, you would've been an honor student." :) Then she asked me if I was a Dean's Lister, and I said yes. Then she asked me how my mom was (haha, everyone asks me how my mom is XD). We chatted a bit more after that. Then the principal came in, and Ma'am Uri asked him if he remembered me. He said, "Of course I remember! I remember her mother, too!" HAHAHA. He wasn't the principal back when I was in high school though, he was my Agriculture teacher in sophomore year. :D

We left soon after that... The secretary told me to come back after a week (actually, she recognized me too XD). :) So I'll be going back~ :D

I felt like crying... T_T All these memories came rushing back to me like a flash flood. Happy and sad memories. At the same time, I sorta regretted not being more...active back in high school. Maybe if I studied harder, maybe if I participated in more activities, maybe if I was more outgoing... Maybe things would've turned out differently. But I'm happy where I am right now. I'm glad I was an outcast in high school because if I wasn't, I wouldn't have met my wonderful friends. :P Everything happens for a reason. :)

Everything looked almost the same, but there were slight differences. When we went to the canteen, the food on display was different. XD (Duh, of course, Justine! XD) Back when we were in high school, they didn't have Bread Pan or C2 or any of the other stuff they have now. Heck, our canteen didn't even have walls back then. XD Only a roof. So we always got drenched whenever there were typhoons. :P

While we were at the canteen, it started raining harder. o_o Memer said, "It's like they (whoever's up there, maybe God :P) don't want us to leave yet." Haha! So we reminisced about stuff.

Dang. T_T I miss high school. T_T Life back then used to be so simple. When I was actually in high school, life seemed harder. But when I look back on it, it was really simple... :x I'd like to go back to that time when my "problems" weren't actually problems. ^^;;

I've become so much more responsible, independent and outgoing since then... But I don't think I've changed that much. :P Haha. I still spazz loudly. I still love chocolate as much as I did 4 years ago. :P Some things just never change. ^^

*sigh*

I can't explain how I feel right now... I was REALLY happy earlier. It was like going back home... Except that "home" wasn't home, but a school. Haha. :P

I remembered G... T_T Dang. I think I miss him. ;_; I feel like telling him all about what happened today. I wonder if he misses high school too. :x Seeing all these places... Like the place where we used to walk in the rain together while he held my umbrella, our old classroom, our "camping site"... T_T

It's painful to realize that you've grown up and left a lot of good things behind, only to discover that you can't go back and retrieve them. They're all frozen in my memory now, to remain there only for as long as I can remember them. :( What if I forget? Will there be someone to remind me of them? T_T

*sigh*

I was supposed to spazz about some "developments" between me and G, but I guess I'll save that for another entry. ^^

I apologize for not updating sooner... T_T I got really busy with our case presentation (which we did yesterday). It's a huge part of our final grade for our major subject. :x But I guess I'll be updating soon because my schedule isn't as packed anymore. :D

A bit disappointed. :x

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 08:48:13 GMT

Listening to: "Polly" by The Melody
Thinking: about some things
Feeling: mixed emotions? :

Before anything else... HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D I know I'm a few days late... Mianhae. ._.

Okay, I finally finished watching Coffee Prince on New Year's Day. XDDD What a way to start the year. 8) I turned into mush after watching all those sweet scenes... Aigoo. It was the little things that made my heart flutter. ^^ Like whenever they held hands. And that scene when Eun Chan and Han Kyul got together (after Han Kyul found out Eun Chan was a girl)... Han Kyul rested his head on Eun Chan's shoulder, then Eun Chan snuck a kiss. XD OMG. I almost died. I watched that scene like 3 times. I think I'll cry out of happiness if that ever happens to me. ;_; Yeah, I'm just exaggerating. :P But... T_T Wouldn't any girl want a love like that? ^^;;

I cried when Eun Chan was about to go to Italy. OMG. Every drama I've watched has made me cry. ^^;;

I won't spoil the rest for you if you haven't watched it yet... But it's one of my favorite K-dramas now. XD Haha. I loved the OST, too. ^^ It was really refreshing with all the indie groups featured in it. :)

Aklajsdfklasdfdlas. Because of Coffee Prince, I haven't finished all of the stuff I need to do before school starts. T_T Like the reaction paper. -_-;;

I tried to do the reaction paper last night. I started reading about Emperor Pu-yi on Wikipedia. But I ended up Wiki-hopping. Before I knew it, I was looking at Prince William's Wiki page already! -_-;; WTF, right? T_T I can't control myself... My attention span can be really short sometimes. Especially when I don't like what I'm supposed to be doing. :(

Anyway, I'll do it tonight. :) (Said like a master procrastinator. XD)

What else is new? Oh yeah. I met up with my HS friends for lunch! :D Ahaha. Memer, KC, Ate Mary and Greta showed up. Only Luchi was missing. ;_; She's still in Davao. ._.

G didn't come... ;_; I had a feeling he wouldn't. :x

He sent me a SMS, though. It said, "Hi Justine! Sorry I can't join you for lunch because I have to finish writing a paper... I forgot that tomorrow's the deadline! Huhu. Maybe I can come next time. Hope you guys enjoy your lunch. Take care too. :D"

T_T

Well, he didn't give me a definite answer so I shouldn't have expected too much... T_T But I'm still a bit disappointed. ._. I was so looking forward to see him (especially since the last time I saw him was 3 months ago). :(

My friends don't believe that he had a paper to do, or even if he did, that tomorrow was the deadline and he didn't know about it. They said that knowing how he is with school stuff, he probably finished it a long time ago if they gave it before vacation started or something. :( I know he's like that, too. T_T My friends said that maybe he was just too shy to be around my friends. After all, they didn't really talk much back then even though we were all classmates back in high school. But... T_T;; *sigh*

Gah. Maybe I should really get over him. I don't want to feel like this forever... T_T

But half of me says I should give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he IS a shy person and he doesn't like being around people he doesn't like much. Maybe I should even be thankful that he bothered to tell me he wasn't coming, because he usually isn't like that. :x

Argh. I dunno what to do. T_T;; Even my friends are split up on this matter. Ate Mary says that 3 months (since I confessed) is an awful long time for him to think things over and give me an answer. But KC says that since I've managed to like him for 7 years, then waiting for a few more months for his answer shouldn't be too hard for me. But... How much longer should I wait? T_T

I really don't know what to do. :(

Anyway, on the topic of love and relationships... Turns out that out of us 6, half have never been kissed before (me included) and 2/3 have been in a relationship already, even though only one of us (Greta) is in a relationship right now. I dunno. I just like numbers and statistics. :P *rofl*

I wonder what a kiss feels like. @_@;; I want to save my first kiss for someone I really like, but with the way things are going, it'll probably take me a few more years. =_=

Okay. I should stop talking about this, lest I start feeling sorry for myself again. -_-;;

After lunch, we all went to my house to hang out, watch random stuff and eat. XD We watched Dong Bang videos, Charice Pempengco's Star King video (because they were really curious, even though I've watched it about a dozen times already because of my classmates), Hard Gay videos, the Big Bang & Wonder Girls "Tell Me" and "Gojitmal" special stage perf, and "Stand Up" (the J-dorama). :) We ate chips. XD Ahaha. I miss hanging out with my friends like this. ;_;

Maybe I should look on the bright side of things... If G was with us, we couldn't have been able to talk freely knowing he's there. :x Plus, he'd feel awkward... We were spazzing about Coffee Prince so much. XD Turns out that Greta has watched it already, while KC's about to finish it too. We were spazzing over Han Kyul and how we all wanted to have a guy like him in our lives. XD Haha.

*sigh*

Gah. I spent an hour and a half putting on eyeliner (damn, it smudged so many times I lost count T_T) and setting my curls (waves?) and he didn't even get to see me. I even wore my new favorite outfit (the one I wore on Christmas)... My friends were like, "You look really good in skirts! :D". But he didn't even get to see. ._.;; And my friends loved my hair. XD Ahahaha. Greta's going to get her hair permed soon, too. :P KC kept on pulling on my curls... Like she kept on pulling on my skirt. -_-;; Haha. She's like that when she likes something. ^^;; What weird friends I have... Birds of the same feather flock together, I guess. :P

I dunno why I even bother to dress up for G. T_T;; I don't give a damn about how other people think of how I look... But when it comes to him, I care. A lot. ._.;;

At least I didn't get mistaken for a Korean again. XD Hahaha. KC called me "the exchange student" and I got a lot of weird looks on the street (maybe because I didn't look Filipino @_@) but I don't care. Haha. I really like how I look now. ^^

I'm happy I got to be with my friends again. I really missed them so much. T_T Maybe we should all go to that shabu-shabu place again sometime, when we're all free. :) I don't think it'll happen anytime soon though (my next "free day" is Valentine's Day, how ironic that I don't have a date @_@).

*sigh*

Okay, I should be heading back home now... I still have to finish that damn reaction paper. T_T;;

Once I have free time, I'll start watching "Thank You" (the K-drama). I heard a lot of good reviews about it. ^^

I am impulsive.

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 03:58:35 GMT

Listening to: "在這里等你" by F4
Thinking: about the new year :D
Feeling: okay :)

My first fandom is back! XD Ahahaha. I missed F4. ;_; I'm glad they're back with a new album. Although I liked the second album (Fantasy 4ever) more, this album is also easy to listen to. ^^ I don't care if people say they can't sing or anything. T_T;; What matters is that I like their songs. XD

Anyway, I promised I'd spazz over Changmin's hair. XDDD

Those pics were taken during the filming of Super Junior's show "Exploration of the Human Body". :D

He looks like he lost weight. TT__TT But his hair's hella hot. 8D Ahaha. It makes him look more like his age. :) I liked his long hair too, but I think it made him look really manly. I prefer that he look more boyish...

Ever since I got into Asian celebs, I've started to pay more attention to hair. *rofl* It started with F4. ^^;;

Speaking of hair... I forgot to talk about my experience in the Korean salon. o_o;; I've never been to a Korean-owned salon before. I used to get my haircuts at a salon that's near my grandparents' house. :x It's cheaper, but it also limits how creative I can get with my hairstyles. Even when I show them pics of how I want my hair to look, they never seem to get it. T_T

So my sister and I decided to try out Tony & Jackey, in Alabang. It's pricey. Like, hella pricey. T_T_T_T;;

I can't even tell my mom how much it costs because I know she'll throw a fit. @_@;;; Hahaha. OMG. Let's just say a haircut costs 3 days' worth of my allowance, while a digital perm (which costs as much as a setting perm) costs 1.5 months worth of my allowance. -_-;; Don't worry, I used my savings and Christmas money. Not my allowance. :P Hahaha. But my mom's not too keen on letting me spend money on stuff like hair. T_T;; I understand where she's coming from.

But this really matters to me. My hair, I mean. :x I've been started to get really bothered by my appearance. I've been feeling a bit...ugly. @_@;; I dunno how to explain it. It's like, when I look at myself in the mirror, I think, "Ugh. I look ugly. I hate how I look." And I hate feeling like that. T_T It makes me feel bad about myself. ._.;;

So I knew I had to change something about the way I looked. I tried make-up, but gah... I can't be bothered to put make-up on every single day. T_T;; I'm too lazy for that. ^^;; Besides, it's too hot and humid to put too much make-up on. Plus, I don't look good with too much make-up. :x

I decided to change my hairstyle instead. But I hated the state of my hair. It was really limp and dry. @_@;; I didn't want to get another haircut because my hair lacked body already. So I got a perm. :)

The whole process took about 3 hours. @_@ I didn't get bored though. The salon had a lot of magazines (Korean, American and local mags). They also played music. What else, but Korean pop? XD Ahahaha. I recognized about 16 out of every 20 songs they played. BoA, Epik High, Bada, Wheesung, J, Ivy, Lee Hyori & Eric (Anyclub ^^), and some other artists I can't recall.

They also had these photo albums with pictures of hairstyles in them. I saw a Dong Bang pic! XD Haha. Spazz fest. :P

There was an almost equal mix of Korean and Filipino customers, actually. The manager spoke good English, while Monica unni (the senior hairstylist) spoke mostly Korean with some English and some Filipino. :P After the assistant shampooed my hair, Monica unni looked at my hair and said, "Sayang buhok!" Haha.

There was a cute hairstylist, too. ._. I forgot his name. But he was really tall, he dressed well, and he had REALLY nice hair. *0* Aiyee~

While we were there, there were Korean families coming in. o_o And everyone got their hair done. The fathers got haircuts, the mothers got their ahjumma perms and the kids got haircuts, too. I thought, "Dang, I wonder how much they spent. O_O" Haha. Seriously, it was expensive. T_T;; It was worth it, though. :D I noticed that everyone was satisfied with their hair afterwards. I know I was. :)

I talked with my mom last night. She said, "What's with your voice? You sound so happy. o_o" I said, "Ma, kulot na ako! :P (Ma, I'm curly! OMG, the translation sounds bad. T_T)" Hahaha. She replied, "Already? I thought you said you were going to get it permed after graduation." I said, "Yeah, but I couldn't wait. T_T" Then she went on and on about how impulsive I am. -_-;;

I am impulsive. T_T But I swear I've been thinking about getting a perm since last year! :x It's just that, when I woke up that morning I thought, "I want to get a perm today." So I did. @_@;;

Okay, so I really am impulsive. ^^;; Sometimes when I'm walking home, I change routes just because I feel like it. -_-;; This is also why I ended up giving G that letter. And it's also why I ended up calling him. I just can't help it... When I feel like doing something, I think for a few seconds then I do it. I don't take long to decide on things. @_@;;

*sigh*

Anyway, I feel a lot better about myself now. :P Ahaha. Actually, getting a perm was part of my New Year's resolutions. ^^ I said I wanted to change the way I looked. I like how I look now. :) Even my Grandma likes it. XD Last night, she asked, "Did you get your hair permed?" I said, "Yeah, you just noticed? o_o" She replied, "Yeah... Your hair looks nice." Then she turned to Joanna and said, "Why didn't you get your hair permed too? It'd be better than your hair now. I am dismayed by your hair!" And Joanna was like, "But I don't want to get my hair permed... T_T" Haha. My Grandma is one of the pickiest people I know... If she says something looks good, then I believe her, because she never hesitates to speak her mind. Likewise, if something looks bad, she'll rant about how bad it looks for as long as she can. Haha. :P

What else is new with me? :x

Oh yeah. G. Haha. Yesterday, he sent me a quote through SMS. So I replied with another quote. I also asked him how he was. He didn't reply. T_T

I was blog-hopping last night when "Why I Didn't Know Back Then" by Eddie started playing on Winamp (I set it to shuffle mode). It's one of my "G songs"... It reminds me of him. -_-;;

So I remembered G. I thought, "Hmm, I wonder how he's doing." Instinctively, my hand reached for my cellphone. I checked for new messages. Lo, and behold! I had a new SMS from G. O_O

He replied. :P Haha. He said, "Hi Justine! Sorry if I replied just now. I'm okay. I have a lot of requirements to do for school but I haven't started any of them yet, not even one. Haha. Why would "Christmas vacation" be called as such if we don't relax and enjoy, right? Haha. How about you? I hope you're enjoying the break. Haha. :D Take care."

Akjsadkflajf. He said "take care" again. I always melt into a puddle of goo whenever he says that. ^^;;

I replied, "It's alright... (about him replying late :x) I haven't finished all of my requirements for school, either. Haha. :P But it's okay, since my classes resume on January 7th. So I'll enjoy the next few days first before finishing the requirements. Btw, I'm meeting up with Memer and KC for lunch on January 3rd. If you're free then, you can join us..."

He replied, "Wow, you're lucky, you're going back to school next Monday! :D Okay, I'll try to come if I don't have a class then." (I think their classes resume on the 2nd or 3rd. :x)

I said, "Yeah, next Monday, but I have a lot of exams to return to. :( Haha. Okay, hope you can come so we can all catch up with each other. I haven't seen Memer and KC in a long time, too. Good night, take care. :)"

I wasn't expecting him to reply... He doesn't usually reply once the convo ends like that.

But he replied, "Good night! Take care too. :D"

Akjadsfaskdf. :)

Funny how one of my New Year's resolutions was to give up on him and move on... T_T How can I move on if things like this happen everytime I decide to give up? T_T;;

But I can't help it. Things like this make me happy. ^^;; I hope he does come. I won't be too disappointed if he doesn't, because I know he's busy and stuff. But if he comes... Wow. :)

I was freaking out last night. -_-;; "What if he comes? What am I going to wear? What am I going to say?!" T_T;;

Then I realized that I've never eaten with him before. I have no idea if he chews with his mouth open or closed. I dunno how he holds his spoon and fork. I dunno what kind of food he loves or hates. I don't really know much about him. But I want to know more about him. This want consumes me inside, and drives me crazy. T_T I want to see him more, but I can't. I want to talk to him, but I hold back because I don't want him to think I'm pestering him. I don't want him to think I'm annoying. :x It was also the exact same reason why I went through all 4 years of high school without talking to him much. -_-;; I didn't want him to feel awkward knowing that I liked him, so I told no one about my crush on him (lest it leak out :x).

But now I trust that we're both more mature now. Even though I like him this much, I know that I can trust myself to act calmly and maturely around him. Likewise, I trust that he'll still remain friends with me even though he knows I like him, because he has matured too.

I want us to stay friends. I do like him a lot... But I wouldn't know how to act if we were anything more than friends. T_T; I don't want to mess up whatever we have right now. ._. (And that's my answer to everyone's question: "What if G asks you out?")

I don't think he'll ask me out, though. He's too focused on school. Plus, I don't think he likes me back. ._.;; Everything's just platonic for him. :|

So... Yeah. :) That's all.

I have to go take a shower now. ^^ Till my next update~ :)

Permed.

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 06:04:21 GMT

Listening to: "Goodbye Baby" by Big Bang
Thinking: about the new year
Feeling: bored :x

I'm at my grandparents' house again. But this time, I'm leeching off their neighbor's wi-fi connection. XDDD Ahaha.

I've been feeling better since my last post... Not all sunshine-y yet, but definitely okay. I think I hit my lowest point right after Christmas. ._.;; I dunno why my mood is like this... @_@;;

Anyway, we spent Christmas at my aunt's (my dad's sister's) house. We arrived there on the 24th, and we stayed there till the night of the 25th. On the 24th, we attended mass. I sent out Christmas greetings to everyone in my phone book.

G replied with a quote that said "Good morning! :D" at 1:40 pm. *lmao* I was like, "Morning? But isn't it the afternoon already? Haha! Merry Christmas! :P" He replied, "Hi! Oh, I meant 'good afternoon'. Haha. Merry Christmas to you and your family too. Take care. God bless. :D" Ahahaha. Why must he be so cute? ._.;;

So I wasn't expecting to hear from him on Christmas Day, but he sent me a SMS on Christmas Day too. Ahaha. :) That sorta made my day.

We had a family reunion on Christmas Day, and I hung out with my cousins (who are all younger than me :x but they're all teenagers now so it's better than it was 5 years ago when I was the only teenager T_T). The elders (elders? ahaha, I meant the older people, the one with stable jobs) gave away money. I got some, of course. :P But they were like, "Justine, you'll be joining us (in giving money) next year! :P" I was like, "No... T_T"

Honestly though, I wouldn't mind. Haha. As long as I had the money, of course. :) It's like a family tradition already. And it's about time I give back everything I've received, if you get my point. ^^;;

On the 26th, I stayed at home. On the 27th and 28th, I met up with my groupmates to work on our case presentation. If you've read my latest Multiply entries, you've probably read about how frustrated I am with this freakin' case presentation. T_T;; Aigoo. I don't feel like talking about it anymore. :x

Yesterday, my sister and I went to the mall. We commuted, just the two of us. :D It's something new for us since we used to go out with a chaperone everywhere. But ever since my mom left for the States, my sister and I have become more independent. :)

I ate so much yesterday... T_T;; But it was SO good. XD Ahahaha. Especially the salad and the burger... :D :D :D

Then we went to Tony and Jackey, a Korean salon. My sister got a haircut while I got a digital perm. :)

Akjdsflasdlkasjdg. I love my hair. XD I've gotten mixed reactions, though. Some people (like my sister) say it's totally fine. Some people (like our helper and my grandparents' helpers -_-) say it looks ugly. T___T My sister says they just say that because they aren't used to seeing people with permed hair. :x I guess she's right...

You know how the stereotype in Philippine society is... You're pretty if you have pale skin, long and straight black hair, and big boobs and a big butt (never mind if you've got love handles, wtf -_-). But if you're tanned, and you have short hair or wavy/curly hair, and if you're stick thin, you're not pretty. Sucks to be me, then. I fall under that category now. T_T I'm tanned, I have wavy hair, and I'm stick thin. T_T To the common Filipino, I'm not pretty. -_-;;

Gah. Whatever. :x I'll wait till my HS friends see me. I trust their judgment... If they say my hair's ugly, then that means it really IS ugly. T_T_T_T

But my sister claims it looks okay. And I trust my sister's judgment, too. Hmm. :x

What matters is that I love my hair. XD Ahahaha. It looks so...Korean, though. @_@;; Haha, what should I expect? I got it permed at a Korean salon. ^^;;;

I went to Starbucks with my sister after we got our hair done. When I placed my order, the barista started talking to me in Filipino. But then he looked up at me and suddenly switched to English. O_O I thought, "WTH was that for? o_O" But then I thought, "Maybe he thinks I'm not Filipino. T_T" I happened to be wearing one of my more fobby outfits (a dress with leggings, and I had a Shim ChangMin button pin on my bag :x). And my hair... Ahahaha. Okay. :x

Everyone I meet speaks to me in English, ever since I got my hair permed. @_@;;

I don't think I look Korean... I know I look Chinese, though. ^^;; There was this other incident when my sister and I were ordering at Starbucks (a different branch). The barista asked us if we were Chinese, and I shook my head. He asked, "Pure Filipino, then?" And I said, "Yes." Then he asked if we were sisters, and I nodded. So he asked, "Who's older?" I looked at Joanna, and Joanna looked at me, and we started laughing. XD We get that question a lot... Joanna looks older than me. :P The barista then said, "Let me guess... The one who ordered the caramel macchiato is older." then he smiled smugly. Haha. I was like, "WTF?! How did he know? o_O" (I ordered the caramel macchiato btw. Joanna ordered a Toffee Nut frap.)

And there have been other incidents... Like when these ahjummas started speaking to me and Joanna in Korean (this happened in an airport restroom, on our way to Seoul). o_O;; Ahahaha. I think it's funny. XD

Oh yeah. Just in case you're wondering why I keep on mentioning Starbucks... We've been frequenting Starbucks because of the planner. :P Ahaha. I finally got it yesterday. :D :D :D It's so pretty. ^0^

Hmm... What else is there to talk about? XD I feel like blogging some more. :P

Ooh. Remember my sister's admirer? XD Ahahaha. So he added me on Friendster... I asked my sister if I should approve his friend request. She said, "No! Reject it! O_O" I said, "Umm... Okay." Then I rejected it.

Last night, he added me again. XD Ahahaha. So I told Joanna, "I'm going to approve his request this time... I don't want him to think I'm rude or snobby or anything. But if it really bothers you, I can delete him after a few weeks or so." Coincidentally, this other guy who likes Joanna also added me. The difference between him and Joanna's admirer is that... Joanna sorta likes him back.

But I don't like him for her. -_-;; My mom doesn't like him either. My cousin Jazzie doesn't like him. Actually, nobody except Joanna likes him. -_-;; My mom's reason is that...she doesn't know him. Jazzie's reason is that he looks ugly (her term: bakulaw *lmao*). I don't like him for the same reason I don't like most of the guys who like me... Their personalities and/or attitudes. :x He cusses a lot, he doesn't get decent grades or doesn't even show that he exerts enough effort... Getting bad grades is forgivable in my book if you show that you study hard but you're just really dull, but if you've got the brains but you don't use them, then don't expect me to think highly of you. :x I don't want to use grades as a measure of a person's worth. But it does show how hard he works to succeed at something. :T I don't want to compare him (or any guy in particular) to G, but G gets straight A's and is going to graduate with honors. Not so sure if he's graduating cum laude or magna cum laude or something, though. :x

Anyway, the point is... Nobody likes him for Joanna. ^^;;; I feel bad for Joanna, but... My opinion when it comes to family/friend opposition of the guy you like is that if they all dislike the guy, they probably have good reason to. If only one or two people disliked him, then it wouldn't matter much because they just might have a grudge against him. But if everyone doesn't like him, then they probably see something bad in him that you don't see. When that happens, you have to take a good look at the guy and think, "Is he really worth going against everyone for? Is there something really bad about him?" And if there is something bad about him, then you have to ask yourself if you can live with that particular flaw. Like, if he's disrespectful/rude... Would you tolerate him if he acted rudely towards you? (Ehehe, I wouldn't. :x)

I'm not an expert on romance, but I do make up for it with reasoning (or so people tell me). I just suck at handling my own love life, because I become totally blind when I fall in love. I throw my reasoning away. T_T;; That's my weakness. -_-;; Fiona says I love too much. :|

So... Yeah. Back to Joanna's admirer. :P He sends her love quotes almost a dozen times a day. When she doesn't reply (okay, she never replies :x), he texts, "Why aren't you replying? Are you mad at me?" Whenever he does that, Joanna gets really pissed off. XD She yells at her cellphone. "Isn't it damn obvious that I don't want to hear from you?!" Ahahahaha. XD

He confessed to her in person a few weeks ago. She rejected him. Joanna asked me, "If someone turns you down, then that means you should give up, right?" I answered, "I dunno about other people... But if G ever rejected me, I'd stop bothering him. :x" Not that I'm bothering him because I barely text him these days, unless he texts me first (then I reply, of course). But... Yeah. The difference between me and Joanna's admirer is that G hasn't turned me down yet, so I guess I can continue holding on like this, but Joanna turned her admirer down already, so that means he should just throw in the towel because nothing he does will ever make her change her mind (I know my sister :x).

I feel bad for the guy, though. :x I know what it feels like... To really like a person, to want to do everything to show how much you feel for that person. But I know how to restrain myself. Haha. ^^;; I don't text G everyday, I don't ask him if he's mad at me whenever he doesn't reply... I'm not in his face all the freakin' time. @_@;; I'm not saying that what I'm doing is correct or anything... But the basic rule of showing your feelings for a person is just like the Golden Rule. Do not do to others what you would not want done to you. Or something like that. :x

If you don't want an admirer to text you every hour, asking you if you've eaten already, if you've gotten home already, if you've taken a dump already (*lmao*)... If you don't want an admirer to ask all your friends where you are and even call your older sister just to ask about you... Then don't do it to the person you like. :x Sure, it'll be spazz-inducing if you happen to like each other. XD But what if you don't? What if it's one-sided?

Aigoo. It's complicated. :x But I assume everyone knows what it feels like to be admired and to admire, so I won't go into detail about that. :P

My point is, it'll be exhausting for the admirer and embarrassing and awkward for the admired person. Right? :x

Besides, if you really liked the person, you wouldn't want him/her to feel awkward around you. You wouldn't do anything to make him/her feel uncomfortable, like invading his/her privacy.

So... That's my take on the whole thing. :x I wish I could talk some sense into the poor guy, but I don't think I'm in a position to do so. He and my sister are old enough to know what to do. I'll let them sort things out themselves. :P

Speaking of admirers... I went to church earlier and when I looked to my left, the guy who used to text me (who's currently courting my cousin's dormmate) was sitting a few feet away. And he was staring at me. O_O I swear he was... After a few minutes, I snuck a peek at him and he was still staring. O_O;;; I wonder if he thinks my hair is ugly, too. T_T;;;

Ahahaha.

Gah. I spent a month and a half's worth of allowance money on my hair. It'd better be worth it. T_T It's already pretty much worth it because I love the curls and waves, but... If everyone thinks it's ugly, then I'll feel bad. T_T;;

Should I post pics? :x

I took these pics right after getting my perm. It looks a bit different now. The curls have loosened a little. And my bangs look way much better. :P Ahaha. They look stringy in the pics, but now they look like normal bangs (or whatever normal bangs are supposed to look like ^^;;).

My hair looks a bit more like this now (except for the bangs... and the curls are tighter now because I styled them):

So... What do you guys think? :x (Don't mind the shocked look on my face. I like making faces when I take pics. ^^;; You might've seen the webcam pics I took with my sister and cousin... I uploaded them on Friendster. I look crazy in most of them. But I don't care. I like making faces. It's fun. XD)

I wanna post this pic just because. XD

Ahahaha. I think it looks a bit uhljjang-ish. With the pose and lighting and editing and all. :P Btw, that's a mirror. XD I was checking out my hair and my sister took that candid pic. I think it turned out okay, though. :)

I looked like this before I got my hair permed (this pic was taken on December 24th):

Hmm. :x Honestly, I don't care if I looked better with straight hair (but if I look better with wavy hair then that's great XD). I just care about whether I look ugly with my hair right now or not. T_T;;

I know I'm not pretty or anything... But I do want to feel pretty. ._.;;

I felt like I needed to make a drastic change in my appearance... After all, it's going to be 2008 in a couple of days. I'm turning 20 in 6 months. I'm graduating from college in 3 months. With all these huge life changes, I feel the need to change my appearance too. Ahaha. :P

Lately, I've been putting on some make-up, too. Just eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. Really light make-up. But barely anyone I know puts make-up on too. T_T;; My friends don't. @_@;; I don't want to stand out or anything. :( But I have to admit, putting on make-up is fun. XD Ahaha.

*sigh*

I miss my mom and her awesome make-up skills. T_T Aiyo. :(

Joanna told me about something my mom said on the phone recently. "Why is it that I miss you two more now that I have only a few months left to wait till I see you again? Only three months left... But I want to go home now!"

Aww. T_T I miss my mom. :( Maybe it's the anticipation of seeing each other again that makes the longing more painful. Knowing that you're getting near, yet you're still so far away from each other. It's something like that, I guess. It's like Christmas Day for kids... As Christmas approaches, kids feel more restless and eager to open their presents from Santa. Haha. :P I have the weirdest analogies. -_-;;

But seriously... I miss having someone sensible, and crazy, to talk to. :( When my mom and I talk with each other, we talk about anything and everything. From dramas to boys to politics to family issues to whatever's on TV. :) It's the same with my sister. My mom and my sister are really my best friends, more than anyone else in this world. ^^

Ahahahaha, this blog entry is getting reallyyyyyyy long. :P

Okay, I'll end this here. I'm running out of things to talk about, anyway. Maybe I'll come back to spazz over Changmin's sexy hair, though. XDDD OMG. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HIS HAIR. 8D

All over the place. Haha.

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 10:23:13 GMT

Listening to: "Hawaiian Couple" by Humming Urban Stereo
Thinking: about the holidays
Feeling: a bit sad

Hmm. I don't know where my life is going at the moment. @_@

I mean, I've been feeling a bit...pessimistic lately. >_<;; With all the academic requirements I need to accomplish before graduation, I'll be glad to graduate alive and sane. @_@;;

1. Grand case presentation (unfortunately for me, I'm the leader of our RLE group T_T)
2. "Plan" for our imaginary surgical ward for my Nursing Management class (thank God the assistant dean told us to make the budget in January, or else I would've gone ballistic) which includes the mission, vision, philosophy, goals, objectives, schedule of activities and staffing (WTF, if being a head nurse or nurse supervisor is like this, I don't think I want to be one T_T)
3. Asian Civilization exam
4. Asian Civilization reaction paper (about the film we watched last week)
5. Something for our Asian Civ cultural presentation (I dunno, are we going to sing? dance? Aigoo! T_T I also happen to be the leader of this group)
6. Grand case presentation
7. Grand case presentation
8. Grand case presentation
9. Grand case presentation
10. Grand case presentation

Obviously, I am SO freaking out over this case presentation. T_T I hate having to present things in front of unfamiliar people (in this case, CIs whom I've never been assigned to before). ARGH.

Why do I always have to be the leader? T_T I always find myself stressing over things alone. I'm always so fucking alone. T_T_T_T_T

*sigh*

Thank God G's here to give me words of encouragement and such. Haha. :) Last Thursday, he sent me another inspirational quote. I think it was around lunchtime...? Yeah. Well, I decided to ask him how he was doing. It took an hour for me to receive his reply. I thought he wasn't going to reply and I was getting all sad about it... ;_; But it turns out that Globe was having problems with their SMSes, they kept on getting delayed that day. G's reply was delayed by an hour. @_@;;

He replied, "Hi! I'm okay. Finally, I'm on vacation! Haha. *insert name of his ex here* invited me to hang out with her and Jake tomorrow, but I declined because I have something to do tomorrow. How about you, how are you? Are you on vacation too?"

I sorta ranted about how I had a 5:30-8:30 pm class that day, then the Nursing department's Christmas party the next day, then a ton of projects to do over vacation. But I said that I was okay, because this was the last semester after all... Just a few more months to go, and I'll be over and done with this. :D Then I mentioned that I saw him in church on Tuesday night.

He replied, "Wow, you're so busy... You can do it! Go Justine! Anyway, I had an exam till 7:30 pm last Tuesday so I went to church afterwards. I have a lot of requirements to pass in, too. Huhu. :P"

Then I gave him a weird reply (well, my sister thinks it's weird T_T)... I dare not mention it here. Ahahaha. It's so embarrassing. T_T;;; But yeah, he never replied to it. :(

And now I can't stop thinking about why he mentioned his ex to me. @_@;;;

My sister (who is currently gives me advice, haha) said that there are 5 possibilities as to why he mentioned his ex when he knows how much I like him.

1. He's just insensitive. (Because, well, he does know that I like him, so why would he mention something like that? To hurt me? But he isn't the type to do that. :x)
2. He wants to see how I'd react. (If this is the case, he probably got disappointed because I didn't say anything to him about it. :x)
3. He's "super comfortable (my sister's exact terms)" with me, to the extent that he feels he can mention his ex to me without worrying how I'd react.
4. His ex doesn't matter anything to him anymore. He doesn't care about her anymore.
5. Both #3 and #4.

Hmm. I dunno. T_T What do you think? :x

Anyway... Yeah, I saw him in church last Tuesday night. I went to the 8 pm mass. I left around 9 pm because I was assigned to the night shift at a district hospital last week.

He was with his mother and two brothers, I think. (If he had any other siblings with him, I didn't see them. ^^;;) Whenever I see him with his family, I always find myself wondering what it's like to have a big family. G has 5 siblings (1 older sister, 4 younger brothers, with the youngest being in 3rd grade I think). It seems like fun to have a really younger sibling. ;_; I have only one sister, and she's just 2 years younger than me. I wish we had a baby in the family. :(

And... Aigoo. I feel embarrassed to say this, but I couldn't keep my eyes off him. @_@ Dang, why does he always have this effect on me? T_T But when I'm actually talking to him, I notice that I look at everything except him. I can't look at his face without blushing. Take note: I DO NOT BLUSH. Not on a regular basis, anyway. Not even on hot days. I have to be very emotional to blush. ;_;

So... Yeah. I was blushing in church. But my hands were extremely cold. It was weird because it wasn't cold that night. T_T;;

*sigh* I'm turning into a weirdo... What is happening to me? :(

But yeah... G and I have been sending quotes back and forth through SMS every 2-3 days. But he hasn't sent me anything since Thursday. I'm getting a bit worried... But maybe he's just busy or something. He hasn't checked his Friendster account yet, either. Hmm.

I wonder when his NMAT results are going to be released. Ehh. I'm just curious if he'll stick to his word... He said he'll tell me once they're released. :x Hmm.

Okay, on to other things. I bet everyone's sick of reading G's name here on my blog. Haha. But I can't help it... ;_; After 7.5 years of liking him, we're finally "talking". :)

So, what else is new? Oh yeah. I finally discovered why I couldn't install The Sims 2 on my new laptop. I had to download a patch. So I installed it on Friday, and I've been playing it ever since. XD Ahaha. I'm getting addicted to it again. >_<;; I installed 2 expansion packs (Open 4 Business and Pets) aside from the University and Nightlife ones. Ahahaha. :D

My sister has this VERY ardent admirer from school who goes to great lengths just to profess his love for her. *lmao* He even gave her something for Christmas. A personalized button pin with their picture on it and a video he made himself. The video has her favorite song in it ("Through The Rain" by Mariah Carey) and he put tons of pics in it. @_@;; I think he used Windows Movie Maker. Haha. He says "I love you" over and over in the video. When my sister and I watched it for the first time yesterday, my sister had a "WTF?! o_O" expression on her face while I almost fell off the couch from laughing too hard. OMG. Guys these days. He said he wasn't a stalker... I dunno. He's way more of a stalker than me, seriously. :P

It was reassuring, for me. Haha. At least I know that there are other people who are much worse than me when it comes to love and stuff. I mean, I won't go as far as giving G a button pin or making a video for him or something. Geez. @_@;;

But I do admit, I miss him. Just a bit. ._.;; I get disappointed whenever my cellphone vibrates (when I receive a new SMS) and I find out it's not him. On the other hand, when it's him, I have a smile plastered on my face for the rest of the day.

Of course, he'll never get to know that. Ahaha. As gutsy as I might be (giving him a letter and all), I'm not gutsy enough to elaborate on how much I really like him. T_T;;

But he sent me this SMS last week that said, "Someday it's gonna be too late to say the things that must be said... So before time turns against us, just let me say this... Thanks a lot, for being nice to me! So glad I met you! :D"

I didn't know what to reply... @_@;; It took me a day before I sent him this (courtesy of Gracelyn who never runs out of quotes and stuff :P): "Someday it's gonna be too late to say the things that must be said... So before time turns against us, just let me say this... You make my life happy in ways you never know. :D"

Ahehehe. ^^;; So... Yeah. Our quote exchanges consist of stuff like that. :x

I dunno if he really meant that... That he's "so glad" he met me. Maybe it didn't mean anything to him. ._.;; But asajdsjs;a. I'm so glad I met him. Sometimes I try to imagine what my life would be like without him, and I just can't imagine it... I've liked him for as long as I've known him, and I've known him for 7.5 years. That's more than 1/3 of my life, yo. ;_;

Speaking of numbers and stuff... Only 3 months to go before my mom comes back~ :D And a little more than 3 months to go till graduation. I can't wait to be free from homework. ^0^ I detest homework, gosh, I really do. <_<;;

I'm turning 20 in less than 6 months. In exactly 4 months, I'll have known and loved Dong Bang for 4 years. :D :D :D

Ahahaha. At this rate, I'll probably be a fangirl for life. :P I've known Dong Bang longer than I've been in college. Haha. :D They're part of my life now. Even if my obsession for them fades, even if they disband... They'll always have a place in my heart, as the 5 boys whom I dearly love. How can I forget how I begged my mom (I don't ever beg ;_;) to let my sister and I go to Seoul so we can watch their concert? Or how my legs were all shaky as I shook Changmin's mother's hand? Or how we almost got freakin' lost in Seoul and hitched a ride with a complete stranger just to meet up with fellow fangirls?

Because of them, I have done crazy things. But because of them, I think I'm a more interesting person... My life is so much better because of them. :) I'll never ever forget them. When I have kids and grandkids, I'll tell them about my days as a Dong Bang Shin Ki fangirl. They'll probably think, "Wow, Mom/Grandma got into some crazy shit back then!" Haha.

*sigh*

It's Dong Bang's 4th anniversary on the 26th. :) <333

Anyway... I should be getting my butt out of here. Haha. :P It's getting late and I have to go back to my grandparents' house for dinner (I'm in the internet cafe next door). We have to go home early because we'll be attending the 8 pm mass again.

Ahaha. Finally, for the first time in my life, I'll be able to complete all 9 days of the Simbang Gabi. People say that if you wish for something, and you attend all 9 masses, then your wish will be granted.

I didn't wish for material things this year... Just for certain things that'll make me, my family, and G (yeah, I wished for something for him ._.;;) happy. If they ever come true, I'll be sure to blog about them here, if only just to (somehow) prove that this thing is actually true. XD

Btw, today was supposed to be my parents' 21st wedding anniversary (if my dad didn't pass away). Haha, how random. ^^;;

Okay. I'm going now! >_<;; Haha.

MERRY CHRISTMAS~ :D

Lazy. T_T

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 04:46:29 GMT

Listening to: "Song For You" by TVXQ
Thinking: about Christmas vacation
Feeling: a bit lazy

Aigoo. Ever since that academic controversy, I've been feeling really lazy... T_T I don't feel like doing homework or studying anymore. It pisses me off... If other people can get high grades without studying their asses off, then what's the point of even studying? <_<;;; Bullshit.

I wonder how these people can fall asleep at night without their conscience weighing heavily on them. -_-;;

And that's partly why I was an hour late to my first class today. I didn't even do my homework. ._. I wasn't even planning to, but my friends forced me to copy off theirs. So I did. But I admit, it was the first time I did that ever since high school. All throughout college, I strived for excellence... I tried hard to do my best at everything. But I've lost my motivation now.

If it weren't for G's encouragements, I probably would've given up already. I do feel a pang of guilt right now... I think this guilt will stop me from totally flunking. Heh. I don't want to disappoint G. I don't want to look incompetent, foolish and inadequate in his eyes, either. So... I'll get my act together and go back to who I used to be. I guess I just need some time. Everytime I think of the whole controversy, my heart hurts. T_T Dammit, they totally fucked me over. WTF. What kind of educational institution do I go to? T_T

Anyways, I'm supposed to be looking for Chuseok traditions that we can do in our classroom during our Asian Civilization class. But I just can't find anything that'd be practical and easy for us to do, considering what Chuseok is about... @_@;;;; We can't make those rice cakes (we have no idea how @_@). No dances, either. We don't have enough time to prepare a dance, with our case presentation also coming up in a few weeks. T_T

Wah, why does my last semester in college have to be so stressful?! T_T I wonder if G is stressed out like this, too. I know he isn't required to do a thesis for his major... And ever since he took the NMAT last Sunday, he has been logging into his Friendster account like everyday. That falls short of a miracle, because he used to check his Friendster account like twice a year. @_@;; He probably doesn't have anything better to do with his time. Haha. :P

Speaking of the NMAT... Yesterday, G sent me a quote. So I replied, asking him how he was. He said that he was okay, but he didn't get to finish answering part 1 of the exam and he guessed the answers to a lot of questions. He said that he thought his chances of getting into UPCM are very slim now, because of how he did on the NMAT. :(

So I felt sad, and I racked my brains, trying to think of encouraging words to say to him. ^^;; I'm not really that good at being positive, as you may all know. Haha. I told him that maybe the results might turn out to be better than he expected. After all, the exam results haven't been released yet. And knowing him, he'll pass anyway. :P I asked him to tell me the results once it gets released.

He said, "Wow, thanks for the encouragements. Haha. Okie, I'll let you know when the results are out. I need to get a score >90 to qualify for the interview at UP. Still, I'm not losing hope. Habang may buhay, may pag-asa. Haha. :P"

I said, "That's the spirit!" Then I sorta rambled on about how high the cut-off score was (even though I've known about it for a few weeks now ^^;; I checked out the UPM website :x), and how insanely smart a person must be to get accepted. Then I said, "God bless~" (Haha. Funny how I turn all religious now. ._.;; This is so unlike my old self. Hmm.) He replied, "Haha. God bless you too, take care. :P"

And I totally spazzed over the "Take care" part. Hahaha. *dies* Seriously, people don't really tell me to "take care" because they assume I can take care of myself very well already. @_@;;; Besides, it's nice to know (okay, even just imagine) that maybe he cares for me enough to remind me to take care of myself. Even just as a friend. Even if he says it to everyone. At least he says it to me now, too. He used to say, "Tc!" but now it's always "Take care!" even though I don't always tell him that. Haha.

I can't believe I just typed a whole paragraph on how he says "Take care!" -_-;; Ehehehe.

Anyway, my point is... I'm glad he tells me stuff now. Like how he felt about taking the NMAT. I dunno if he talks about this stuff with everyone... But I'm happy we're still actually talking. When I gave him the letter, I gave it to him fully knowing that there'd be a chance he might never speak to me again (because it'd be awkward and stuff). But we're talking more these days than we ever did in high school (back when we saw each other practically everyday). And I'm happy we're like this. :)

So... What else is there to talk about? Hmm. Well, Lei (my ex) sent me a SMS earlier. @_@;; It was a bit...surprising. I dunno. I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything, but... -_-;; Okay, I'll shut up now.

And then there's this other guy who used to text me. I forgot what pseudonym I used for him... Was it M? Haha. I dunno. Basically, he asked my friend Julie for my number. He texted me because he said he wanted to get to know me better. But we never spoke in person because he was "too shy" to approach me. At the time, I thought, "WTH, do you expect me to make the first move? You're the one who likes me, not the other way around! @_@" But I never said anything. Because he hesitated to talk to me on various occasions, I stopped replying to his SMSes. Then we lost all contact with each other after that, but he used to send me these quotes about how sad it was to be rejected, blah blah.

Okay, back to the present. He's currently courting my cousin's dormmate, and my cousin decided to ask him about me. My cousin asked him why he never courted me. He said that he was busy with his thesis then... (I told my cousin, "Lame reason. -_-;;" I mean, seriously... If you really liked a person, nothing would stop you from contacting him/her, right? I'm sure as hell that nothing would stop me from replying to G's SMSes. Heh.) Then she asked him why he liked me, and he said that he really liked me. He thought I was a challenge (for all playboys like him, I guess?). But I guess he found me too intimidating. :x I mean, I don't reply to people I don't feel like talking to. @_@;;

Hmm. Well, I thought that was flattering. ^^;; He doesn't look bad, you know. But I don't like him... And I can't force myself to like a person. I've tried, and it backfired on me. -_-;;

So... Yeah. :) Let's just see where this thing with G will take me. Heh. I'm more than happy to be just friends with him. ^^

Btw, if any of you have a Multiply... Add me! :D

Close call.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:50:03 GMT

Listening to: "The First Noel" by TVXQ
Thinking: about Christmas
Feeling: okay, I guess :)

OMG, I lost the original post! T_T I was typing, then I probably pressed the wrong button and, poof! Gone goes my entry. T_T;;

Okay. I'll start over. :x

Academics-wise, things haven't been that mellow... ._.;; There was this whole controversy at school. A pair of twins made it to the Dean's List. Now, everyone else (well, my classmates and CIs, anyway) is wondering how the heck they got in, considering how I topped most of our major exams last semester. And in all those major exams, I got higher scores than both of them. So one of my CIs suggested that maybe they got a higher RLE grade than I did. But... If I got 87% as my lecture grade, and my GPA turned out to be 87%... That means I got a RLE grade of 87%, right? (Because the lecture part of the course is worth 8 units, and the RLE part is also worth 8 units.) And if they got a lecture grade of, let's say, 86%... They would've needed a grade of 94% as their RLE grade to get an average of 90%, right? And dude, seriously, NO ONE gets a RLE grade of 94%. A student at my school would be happy just to get a 90%. It's THAT hard to please our CIs... Unless they've been doing some major bribing or something. @_@;;;;

WTF, right? :(

And it sucks because I can't do anything about it... If I question the CIs, they'll all turn against me. That will greatly affect my grades this semester. T_T;;

Like KC always says... My school sucks because we have NO academic freedom at all. We can't even ask about our grades without fearing for our futures.

It's sickening. T_T I can't wait to graduate. :(

*sigh*

Anyway... Let's change the topic. ._.;;

G took the NMAT yesterday. I called him the night before. :x

The first time I called him, he didn't pick up his phone. I was palpitating like mad already at that point. @_@;; But when he didn't answer, I got a bit more confident. Like, "If he doesn't pick up again, I'm just going to text him... That'll be easier."

But I was wrong. He answered the phone the next time I called him (after 7 minutes or so). T_T;;;; Our convo went like this:

Him: Hello...
Me: ... *stunned* O_O
Him: Hello?
Me: Hi?
Him: Hello!
Me: Umm...
Him: Hello?
Me: I just wanted to ask you something...
Him: Okay...
Me: Aren't you going to take the exam tomorrow?
Him: Yes, I am...
Me: Oh, God bless, then! Hehe...
Him: Thank you!
Me: You can do it!
Him: Thank you, thank you...
Me: Umm... That's all... ^^;;; Bye~
Him: Okay, bye~

And it ended there. :x

And just whose genius idea was it for me to call G?!

My mother's. -_-;; *headdesk*

Ahahahahaha! :P I was talking with my mom last week, and she said, "Why don't you call G to greet him good luck?" I said, "Are you serious?! O_O And he doesn't like 'good luck', he prefers 'God bless'... :x" My mom replied, "Whatever. Just call him. :)"

So I did. ._.;; And now I feel like I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole again, just like I felt when I gave him the letter. T___________T

*bangs head against wall*

Why do I always do things to embarrass myself? :(

Aigoo.

Anyway... I have to go home, I have homework to do. ;_; And I have this mean craving for bibimbap. Should I eat out tonight? Hmm. Decisions, decisions. Ahaha, this is what I call food therapy. :P

Take care, everyone~ ^^

Obsessions

Memories~ 8)

Moving on...and moving out. :P

Stress!

Nostalgia. *sigh* High school days.

A bit disappointed. :x

I am impulsive.

Permed.

All over the place. Haha.

Lazy. T_T

Close call.

Nostalgia. sigh High school days.