Justine, DaoMingMikai, hugged_by_hero, B1/Bobo 1 (1/2 of the BB Girls/Banana Sisters, Dedicated to a Cause: Playing with Kim Jae Joongie)
Birthday:
June 10, 1988 (the day after Zai Zai's birthday)
Nationality:
American-born, Philippine-raised Filipina
Languages spoken:
English, Tagalog/Filipino (I want to make this clear. I DO NOT speak Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Japanese, etc. So please stop bugging me about my "weird" accent, okay? But I wish I was fluent in those languages. *sigh*)
Occupations:
Part-time nursing student, full-time boyband stalker, Shim Chang Min's wife (the only legal one with his mother's consent), Jerry Yan's mother's private nurse, Shim Chang Min's and Kim Jae Joong's fridge, Kim Jae Joong's testdriver, the girl that Kim Jae Joong privately dances for, Shim Chang Min's instant ramen maker, Shim Chang Min's rapist, owner of Jerry and Hero dollies
Hobbies:
reading anything NOT related to sports, business or math
-- crocheting
-- knitting
-- listening to music, usually music I can't understand (a more dignified term: Asian pop) but I like any kind of music except rock (read: Linkin Park-ish music)
-- internet, internet, internet
-- gardening (but right now I don't have a garden)
-- drooling over Chang Min and Jae Joong pics
-- walking with my friends
-- talking to my friends
-- taking candid pics of my friends
-- pretend-nursing my favorite celebs
-- writing trivial essays
-- staring at anything green (plants, trees, etc.)
-- bugging people to talk to me
-- posting in my blog Obsessions
-- staring up at the sky
-- watching Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese dramas and movies
-- people-watching (you know, sitting somewhere, watching the people passing by, noticing their quirks and stuff)
-- TVXQ, TVXQ, TVXQ
-- eating chocolate
-- singing along to the music I listen to (usually I sing off-key)
-- dancing like an idiot when I know no one's looking
-- being my usual weird unique self
Location:
In ChangMin's kitchen, cooking up a pot of ramen. But if you really want to contact me, email me at: daomingmikai@gmail.com
Listening to: "Superhuman" by Chris Brown and Keri Hilson Thinking: about my old entries Feeling: nostalgic 8)
Hi~ Haha. I just felt like coming back to read my old entries here. After all, most of my college memories were saved in this blog. Feels good to reminisce and look back on the old days, right? ^^
Anyway, if you happen to pass by here... Visit my new blog: SATORI
Listening to: "Mirage" by Loveholic Thinking: about the past few months :x Feeling: mixed emotions
Long time no post, eh? ^^;;
I apologize for the extremely loooooong absence. I got busy with school, then I graduated, and now I've turned into this...bum. Haha. A bum who stays at home all day or goes out with friends, depending on her mood and the state of her wallet (whether it's empty or not).
I also got caught up with a lot of things. Like... Love. :x Should I even call it "love"? T_T I'm still very much confused at the moment. So many things have happened since then, I don't even know where to start.
I also started a new blog. I'll post up the link soon. :)
So... Where should I begin? XD
School. As I have already noticed, I graduated from college on April 1, 2008. Yup, I'm an unemployed college grad now. :x If I pass the NCLEX, then I'll be a registered nurse. ^^ Wow. I can't believe I'm saying this. x_X A few months ago, I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to graduate. But now, I've done it... I've conquered college! :D I shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears. It's all over now.
I miss college like hell, though. I really, really do. T_T I miss my classmates, I miss my friends, I miss my classes, I miss my professors... The only thing I don't miss is my uniform. -_-;;
Honestly, graduation was such a sad thing for me. T_T I cried buckets right before graduation (the sobbing, I'm-almost-out-of-breath kind of crying). And I cried so much more a few days after graduation. :(
I bonded with my classmates during our retreat for graduating students... It made me realize just how lucky I was to have such awesome friends. From that point on, I told myself I would enjoy every moment with them as much as I could. And I did. :) I went out with them as much as I could. We hung out at school as much as we could during our remaining days at school. I definitely enjoyed those last few days of being a college student. ^^
I also went out drinking for the last time with my classmates on Valentine's Day. ._.;; A lot of stuff happened. Long story short, it made me realize something else. But I'll keep that to myself. ^^;; My guy friend Jen claims that it was memorable for him because of me and... Haha. Never mind. -_-;;
The clinical graduation, baccalaureate mass and institutional graduation went by like a blur. @_@ And before I knew it, I had already graduated from college. :(
Family. My mom came back for about 5 weeks. She arrived here on March 26th and left on May 5th. :) It was chaotic, to say the least. XD My mom has always been a really noisy person, and she hasn't changed a lot in the twelve months she was away. ^^
I don't like how she spent so much money while she was here, though. T_T It's partly my and my sister's fault, I know... But I still feel guilty about it. :( We could've used all that money for other important things, you know. :x
Friends. Well, nothing much has changed with my friends... I guess I've made more friends in this last semester of college than in any other semester though. I miss them all terribly! T_T
Love. Now this is where everything gets complicated. >.<;;; I finally gave up on G. And there's this new guy. B. :x Well, he's not so new because we were classmates in college for almost 4 years. If you have a keen memory, you might even remember that I've mentioned him a lot in this blog in the past 3 and a half years. I think I started mentioning him here around January 2005...? Haha. He's the guy who used to look a bit like G. But I swear, they have opposite personalities. :x
Well... I gave up on G because I realized that he took me for granted. I have no idea if he liked me back or not. And honestly, I don't want to know anymore. T_T I'm scared that he might like me back because I don't want him to like me back anymore. I've discovered what I really want out of a relationship, and I've also discovered what kind of future boyfriend I'd like to have. He doesn't fit in that description. Sure, he IS my ideal guy, and will probably always be my ideal guy. But "ideal" does not equal "good/right for me".
If you might remember, he applied to med school...and he got accepted. Yes, he got accepted. I am extremely proud of him. :D But I also know that if we ever end up together, he will never have time for me. He never had time for me as an undergrad, and he will never have time for me as a med student. I know what he's like. He'll definitely choose school over anybody else. I admire his determination and his drive, but... When I think of the possibility that we might end up together if he ever liked me back, I also think of how he'll forget about me when he has exams, and how we'll never get to see each other because I'll be going to the States in a year while he'll be in med school here in the Philippines. I am willing to commit, but would he be willing to commit, too? I don't think so. >.<;;
Another thing... I am not completely comfortable when I'm with him. I always have to be on my best behavior with him. While that's not a bad thing because it makes me seek self-improvement, it's not so good because I can't relax and be myself with him. What if he ends up liking me for someone I'm not? :(
Most of all, I can't get over how he hurt me. It happened in March... I don't feel like going into detail about it. But everytime I think of him, I feel hurt. I don't get all spazzy anymore. I can't even text him without feeling a twinge of pain in my heart. I don't think I can continue to like someone like I used to like him when I feel hurt everytime I think of him. :(
It just...hurts.
So, how does B enter the picture? I'm not even sure if B likes me the way I do... And I'm sure I like B, but I dunno if I love him... But the thing is, I really, really, really enjoy his company. I like talking to him, and I just like being with him (awkward and not-so-awkward silences and all). I like how he knows who I really am and still chooses to be with me even though I can be really weird and crazy sometimes. He has seen me spazz, and although he doesn't really like it when I launch into one of my crazy spazzes, he knows that it's a part of my character. He accepts me for what I really am. He has never told me to change myself for him.
I feel comfortable telling him everything. And when I say "everything", I really do mean everything. I've told him the deepest, darkest secrets that I've never really dared to tell anybody else (like stuff about my family :x). I trust him a LOT in that aspect.
I have no idea if he trusts me as much as I trust him, though. We have serious talks every now and then, and it surprises our mutual friends when they find out what we talk about because they claim he never talks about serious things unless he's piss drunk. :x Another thing... He doesn't talk much, and I hate talking on the phone, but we have phone conversations that always last more than an hour. @_@;; I hope that means something. ._.
I even feel comfortable being physically close to him. Like sitting next to him and leaning my head on his shoulder. Or linking my arm with his. Or holding hands. Or hugging. We've never kissed yet (even though he jokes that we should try it out >.<). But the thing is... I've never been comfortable doing these things with anyone else before. Not even my ex. I can't even hold hands with my girl friends because it feels awkward. But when we hold hands, I get this odd feeling in my tummy (butterflies, perhaps? I dunno). And it makes me smile. When I hold his hand (or when he holds mine, whichever you prefer), I feel safe. I feel like I actually connect with someone. I've never felt that comfortable with anyone besides my mother and sister. T_T
I can't trust him with my heart yet, though. I have no idea if he likes me like I like him. T_T But I'm happy with what we have right now. It's a special friendship that only the two of us understand. :)
I don't know why I feel this way with him... I know he has a LOT of flaws. I see those flaws a lot, actually. It gets on my nerves sometimes. I know we have conflicts sometimes. But we always manage to talk about our conflicts, and we find solutions for them. As for his flaws, I don't force him to change for me... But I wish he'd change for the better. ._.;; I know he never talks about his problems much. I wish he'd open up to me, like I open up to him. I want to be there for him like how he seems to always be there for me.
He's not the perfect guy, nor my ideal guy, and he's probably not even the type of guy you'd think I'd be destined to be with (unlike how my thing with G seemed to be "destiny"). But he makes me happy, in his own little ways. He makes me feel better when I'm down. That's what matters, right?
I hope I can do the same for him. ^^;;
So... Yeah. I guess I can elaborate more on the topics I've discussed here, but I'll save them for my new blog. :D
Here's to the end of my college life, and the end of this blog. :)
Listening to: "Nostalgia" by Star Love Fish Thinking: about high school ;_; Feeling: nostalgic
Today, I went back to my high school to get some papers (requirements for my graduation from college :x). But before that, I had lunch with Memer and KC, my HS friends. :) We talked and ate and spazzed...
I was looking forward to this day for weeks. :D Actually, I even dreamt about it last night. @_@ I can't remember what it was about exactly, only that I saw some old high school teachers and stuff. :P
It took us quite a while to get to our HS... After all, it was raining. -_-;; When we got there, the security guard asked us why we came. o_o I said I just needed to get some papers from the Dean's Office. I recognized him right away, but it took him a while to recognize me and my friend too. ^^; So he got our IDs and then gave us visitors' passes. Feels like it was just yesterday that I didn't need one because I had my school ID. T_T
Then we went to the Principal's Office. But before we got there, the property custodian stopped us. He asked us where we were going, and I said we were going to the Principal's Office. :) So he said, "Are you sure you're graduates of this school?" and I said, "Of course we are, Mang Alex!" Haha. XD Turns out he was just joking... He recognized us too. :)
So we went inside the Principal's Office. It still looked the same... The secretary was still there... Everyone was still there. o_o But the people inside the Faculty Room were different. T_T Turns out most of the teachers during our time left to work at other places. :( I barely recognized the teachers. ._.;;
But Ma'am Uri (my English/Literature teacher for 2 years) was there, typing away at a computer. :) I asked her how she was, and she said she was okay. We chatted for a while. She even swatted my butt! *lmao* XD She was like, "You've gotten so tall!" She asked me if I was always absent from my classes (like I was back in high school) and I said I had perfect attendance. XD She said, "If you were like that back in high school, you would've been an honor student." :) Then she asked me if I was a Dean's Lister, and I said yes. Then she asked me how my mom was (haha, everyone asks me how my mom is XD). We chatted a bit more after that. Then the principal came in, and Ma'am Uri asked him if he remembered me. He said, "Of course I remember! I remember her mother, too!" HAHAHA. He wasn't the principal back when I was in high school though, he was my Agriculture teacher in sophomore year. :D
We left soon after that... The secretary told me to come back after a week (actually, she recognized me too XD). :) So I'll be going back~ :D
I felt like crying... T_T All these memories came rushing back to me like a flash flood. Happy and sad memories. At the same time, I sorta regretted not being more...active back in high school. Maybe if I studied harder, maybe if I participated in more activities, maybe if I was more outgoing... Maybe things would've turned out differently. But I'm happy where I am right now. I'm glad I was an outcast in high school because if I wasn't, I wouldn't have met my wonderful friends. :P Everything happens for a reason. :)
Everything looked almost the same, but there were slight differences. When we went to the canteen, the food on display was different. XD (Duh, of course, Justine! XD) Back when we were in high school, they didn't have Bread Pan or C2 or any of the other stuff they have now. Heck, our canteen didn't even have walls back then. XD Only a roof. So we always got drenched whenever there were typhoons. :P
While we were at the canteen, it started raining harder. o_o Memer said, "It's like they (whoever's up there, maybe God :P) don't want us to leave yet." Haha! So we reminisced about stuff.
Dang. T_T I miss high school. T_T Life back then used to be so simple. When I was actually in high school, life seemed harder. But when I look back on it, it was really simple... :x I'd like to go back to that time when my "problems" weren't actually problems. ^^;;
I've become so much more responsible, independent and outgoing since then... But I don't think I've changed that much. :P Haha. I still spazz loudly. I still love chocolate as much as I did 4 years ago. :P Some things just never change. ^^
*sigh*
I can't explain how I feel right now... I was REALLY happy earlier. It was like going back home... Except that "home" wasn't home, but a school. Haha. :P
I remembered G... T_T Dang. I think I miss him. ;_; I feel like telling him all about what happened today. I wonder if he misses high school too. :x Seeing all these places... Like the place where we used to walk in the rain together while he held my umbrella, our old classroom, our "camping site"... T_T
It's painful to realize that you've grown up and left a lot of good things behind, only to discover that you can't go back and retrieve them. They're all frozen in my memory now, to remain there only for as long as I can remember them. :( What if I forget? Will there be someone to remind me of them? T_T
*sigh*
I was supposed to spazz about some "developments" between me and G, but I guess I'll save that for another entry. ^^
I apologize for not updating sooner... T_T I got really busy with our case presentation (which we did yesterday). It's a huge part of our final grade for our major subject. :x But I guess I'll be updating soon because my schedule isn't as packed anymore. :D
Listening to: "Polly" by The Melody Thinking: about some things Feeling: mixed emotions? :
Before anything else... HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D I know I'm a few days late... Mianhae. ._.
Okay, I finally finished watching Coffee Prince on New Year's Day. XDDD What a way to start the year. 8) I turned into mush after watching all those sweet scenes... Aigoo. It was the little things that made my heart flutter. ^^ Like whenever they held hands. And that scene when Eun Chan and Han Kyul got together (after Han Kyul found out Eun Chan was a girl)... Han Kyul rested his head on Eun Chan's shoulder, then Eun Chan snuck a kiss. XD OMG. I almost died. I watched that scene like 3 times. I think I'll cry out of happiness if that ever happens to me. ;_; Yeah, I'm just exaggerating. :P But... T_T Wouldn't any girl want a love like that? ^^;;
I cried when Eun Chan was about to go to Italy. OMG. Every drama I've watched has made me cry. ^^;;
I won't spoil the rest for you if you haven't watched it yet... But it's one of my favorite K-dramas now. XD Haha. I loved the OST, too. ^^ It was really refreshing with all the indie groups featured in it. :)
Aklajsdfklasdfdlas. Because of Coffee Prince, I haven't finished all of the stuff I need to do before school starts. T_T Like the reaction paper. -_-;;
I tried to do the reaction paper last night. I started reading about Emperor Pu-yi on Wikipedia. But I ended up Wiki-hopping. Before I knew it, I was looking at Prince William's Wiki page already! -_-;; WTF, right? T_T I can't control myself... My attention span can be really short sometimes. Especially when I don't like what I'm supposed to be doing. :(
Anyway, I'll do it tonight. :) (Said like a master procrastinator. XD)
What else is new? Oh yeah. I met up with my HS friends for lunch! :D Ahaha. Memer, KC, Ate Mary and Greta showed up. Only Luchi was missing. ;_; She's still in Davao. ._.
G didn't come... ;_; I had a feeling he wouldn't. :x
He sent me a SMS, though. It said, "Hi Justine! Sorry I can't join you for lunch because I have to finish writing a paper... I forgot that tomorrow's the deadline! Huhu. Maybe I can come next time. Hope you guys enjoy your lunch. Take care too. :D"
T_T
Well, he didn't give me a definite answer so I shouldn't have expected too much... T_T But I'm still a bit disappointed. ._. I was so looking forward to see him (especially since the last time I saw him was 3 months ago). :(
My friends don't believe that he had a paper to do, or even if he did, that tomorrow was the deadline and he didn't know about it. They said that knowing how he is with school stuff, he probably finished it a long time ago if they gave it before vacation started or something. :( I know he's like that, too. T_T My friends said that maybe he was just too shy to be around my friends. After all, they didn't really talk much back then even though we were all classmates back in high school. But... T_T;; *sigh*
Gah. Maybe I should really get over him. I don't want to feel like this forever... T_T
But half of me says I should give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he IS a shy person and he doesn't like being around people he doesn't like much. Maybe I should even be thankful that he bothered to tell me he wasn't coming, because he usually isn't like that. :x
Argh. I dunno what to do. T_T;; Even my friends are split up on this matter. Ate Mary says that 3 months (since I confessed) is an awful long time for him to think things over and give me an answer. But KC says that since I've managed to like him for 7 years, then waiting for a few more months for his answer shouldn't be too hard for me. But... How much longer should I wait? T_T
I really don't know what to do. :(
Anyway, on the topic of love and relationships... Turns out that out of us 6, half have never been kissed before (me included) and 2/3 have been in a relationship already, even though only one of us (Greta) is in a relationship right now. I dunno. I just like numbers and statistics. :P *rofl*
I wonder what a kiss feels like. @_@;; I want to save my first kiss for someone I really like, but with the way things are going, it'll probably take me a few more years. =_=
Okay. I should stop talking about this, lest I start feeling sorry for myself again. -_-;;
After lunch, we all went to my house to hang out, watch random stuff and eat. XD We watched Dong Bang videos, Charice Pempengco's Star King video (because they were really curious, even though I've watched it about a dozen times already because of my classmates), Hard Gay videos, the Big Bang & Wonder Girls "Tell Me" and "Gojitmal" special stage perf, and "Stand Up" (the J-dorama). :) We ate chips. XD Ahaha. I miss hanging out with my friends like this. ;_;
Maybe I should look on the bright side of things... If G was with us, we couldn't have been able to talk freely knowing he's there. :x Plus, he'd feel awkward... We were spazzing about Coffee Prince so much. XD Turns out that Greta has watched it already, while KC's about to finish it too. We were spazzing over Han Kyul and how we all wanted to have a guy like him in our lives. XD Haha.
*sigh*
Gah. I spent an hour and a half putting on eyeliner (damn, it smudged so many times I lost count T_T) and setting my curls (waves?) and he didn't even get to see me. I even wore my new favorite outfit (the one I wore on Christmas)... My friends were like, "You look really good in skirts! :D". But he didn't even get to see. ._.;; And my friends loved my hair. XD Ahahaha. Greta's going to get her hair permed soon, too. :P KC kept on pulling on my curls... Like she kept on pulling on my skirt. -_-;; Haha. She's like that when she likes something. ^^;; What weird friends I have... Birds of the same feather flock together, I guess. :P
I dunno why I even bother to dress up for G. T_T;; I don't give a damn about how other people think of how I look... But when it comes to him, I care. A lot. ._.;;
At least I didn't get mistaken for a Korean again. XD Hahaha. KC called me "the exchange student" and I got a lot of weird looks on the street (maybe because I didn't look Filipino @_@) but I don't care. Haha. I really like how I look now. ^^
I'm happy I got to be with my friends again. I really missed them so much. T_T Maybe we should all go to that shabu-shabu place again sometime, when we're all free. :) I don't think it'll happen anytime soon though (my next "free day" is Valentine's Day, how ironic that I don't have a date @_@).
*sigh*
Okay, I should be heading back home now... I still have to finish that damn reaction paper. T_T;;
Once I have free time, I'll start watching "Thank You" (the K-drama). I heard a lot of good reviews about it. ^^
