Justine, DaoMingMikai, hugged_by_hero, B1/Bobo 1 (1/2 of the BB Girls/Banana Sisters, Dedicated to a Cause: Playing with Kim Jae Joongie)
Birthday:
June 10, 1988 (the day after Zai Zai's birthday)
Nationality:
American-born, Philippine-raised Filipina
Languages spoken:
English, Tagalog/Filipino (I want to make this clear. I DO NOT speak Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Japanese, etc. So please stop bugging me about my "weird" accent, okay? But I wish I was fluent in those languages. *sigh*)
Occupations:
Part-time nursing student, full-time boyband stalker, Shim Chang Min's wife (the only legal one with his mother's consent), Jerry Yan's mother's private nurse, Shim Chang Min's and Kim Jae Joong's fridge, Kim Jae Joong's testdriver, the girl that Kim Jae Joong privately dances for, Shim Chang Min's instant ramen maker, Shim Chang Min's rapist, owner of Jerry and Hero dollies
Hobbies:
reading anything NOT related to sports, business or math
-- crocheting
-- knitting
-- listening to music, usually music I can't understand (a more dignified term: Asian pop) but I like any kind of music except rock (read: Linkin Park-ish music)
-- internet, internet, internet
-- gardening (but right now I don't have a garden)
-- drooling over Chang Min and Jae Joong pics
-- walking with my friends
-- talking to my friends
-- taking candid pics of my friends
-- pretend-nursing my favorite celebs
-- writing trivial essays
-- staring at anything green (plants, trees, etc.)
-- bugging people to talk to me
-- posting in my blog Obsessions
-- staring up at the sky
-- watching Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese dramas and movies
-- people-watching (you know, sitting somewhere, watching the people passing by, noticing their quirks and stuff)
-- TVXQ, TVXQ, TVXQ
-- eating chocolate
-- singing along to the music I listen to (usually I sing off-key)
-- dancing like an idiot when I know no one's looking
-- being my usual weird unique self
Location:
In ChangMin's kitchen, cooking up a pot of ramen. But if you really want to contact me, email me at: daomingmikai@gmail.com
Listening to: "Mirage" by Loveholic Thinking: about the past few months :x Feeling: mixed emotions
Long time no post, eh? ^^;;
I apologize for the extremely loooooong absence. I got busy with school, then I graduated, and now I've turned into this...bum. Haha. A bum who stays at home all day or goes out with friends, depending on her mood and the state of her wallet (whether it's empty or not).
I also got caught up with a lot of things. Like... Love. :x Should I even call it "love"? T_T I'm still very much confused at the moment. So many things have happened since then, I don't even know where to start.
I also started a new blog. I'll post up the link soon. :)
So... Where should I begin? XD
School. As I have already noticed, I graduated from college on April 1, 2008. Yup, I'm an unemployed college grad now. :x If I pass the NCLEX, then I'll be a registered nurse. ^^ Wow. I can't believe I'm saying this. x_X A few months ago, I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to graduate. But now, I've done it... I've conquered college! :D I shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears. It's all over now.
I miss college like hell, though. I really, really do. T_T I miss my classmates, I miss my friends, I miss my classes, I miss my professors... The only thing I don't miss is my uniform. -_-;;
Honestly, graduation was such a sad thing for me. T_T I cried buckets right before graduation (the sobbing, I'm-almost-out-of-breath kind of crying). And I cried so much more a few days after graduation. :(
I bonded with my classmates during our retreat for graduating students... It made me realize just how lucky I was to have such awesome friends. From that point on, I told myself I would enjoy every moment with them as much as I could. And I did. :) I went out with them as much as I could. We hung out at school as much as we could during our remaining days at school. I definitely enjoyed those last few days of being a college student. ^^
I also went out drinking for the last time with my classmates on Valentine's Day. ._.;; A lot of stuff happened. Long story short, it made me realize something else. But I'll keep that to myself. ^^;; My guy friend Jen claims that it was memorable for him because of me and... Haha. Never mind. -_-;;
The clinical graduation, baccalaureate mass and institutional graduation went by like a blur. @_@ And before I knew it, I had already graduated from college. :(
Family. My mom came back for about 5 weeks. She arrived here on March 26th and left on May 5th. :) It was chaotic, to say the least. XD My mom has always been a really noisy person, and she hasn't changed a lot in the twelve months she was away. ^^
I don't like how she spent so much money while she was here, though. T_T It's partly my and my sister's fault, I know... But I still feel guilty about it. :( We could've used all that money for other important things, you know. :x
Friends. Well, nothing much has changed with my friends... I guess I've made more friends in this last semester of college than in any other semester though. I miss them all terribly! T_T
Love. Now this is where everything gets complicated. >.<;;; I finally gave up on G. And there's this new guy. B. :x Well, he's not so new because we were classmates in college for almost 4 years. If you have a keen memory, you might even remember that I've mentioned him a lot in this blog in the past 3 and a half years. I think I started mentioning him here around January 2005...? Haha. He's the guy who used to look a bit like G. But I swear, they have opposite personalities. :x
Well... I gave up on G because I realized that he took me for granted. I have no idea if he liked me back or not. And honestly, I don't want to know anymore. T_T I'm scared that he might like me back because I don't want him to like me back anymore. I've discovered what I really want out of a relationship, and I've also discovered what kind of future boyfriend I'd like to have. He doesn't fit in that description. Sure, he IS my ideal guy, and will probably always be my ideal guy. But "ideal" does not equal "good/right for me".
If you might remember, he applied to med school...and he got accepted. Yes, he got accepted. I am extremely proud of him. :D But I also know that if we ever end up together, he will never have time for me. He never had time for me as an undergrad, and he will never have time for me as a med student. I know what he's like. He'll definitely choose school over anybody else. I admire his determination and his drive, but... When I think of the possibility that we might end up together if he ever liked me back, I also think of how he'll forget about me when he has exams, and how we'll never get to see each other because I'll be going to the States in a year while he'll be in med school here in the Philippines. I am willing to commit, but would he be willing to commit, too? I don't think so. >.<;;
Another thing... I am not completely comfortable when I'm with him. I always have to be on my best behavior with him. While that's not a bad thing because it makes me seek self-improvement, it's not so good because I can't relax and be myself with him. What if he ends up liking me for someone I'm not? :(
Most of all, I can't get over how he hurt me. It happened in March... I don't feel like going into detail about it. But everytime I think of him, I feel hurt. I don't get all spazzy anymore. I can't even text him without feeling a twinge of pain in my heart. I don't think I can continue to like someone like I used to like him when I feel hurt everytime I think of him. :(
It just...hurts.
So, how does B enter the picture? I'm not even sure if B likes me the way I do... And I'm sure I like B, but I dunno if I love him... But the thing is, I really, really, really enjoy his company. I like talking to him, and I just like being with him (awkward and not-so-awkward silences and all). I like how he knows who I really am and still chooses to be with me even though I can be really weird and crazy sometimes. He has seen me spazz, and although he doesn't really like it when I launch into one of my crazy spazzes, he knows that it's a part of my character. He accepts me for what I really am. He has never told me to change myself for him.
I feel comfortable telling him everything. And when I say "everything", I really do mean everything. I've told him the deepest, darkest secrets that I've never really dared to tell anybody else (like stuff about my family :x). I trust him a LOT in that aspect.
I have no idea if he trusts me as much as I trust him, though. We have serious talks every now and then, and it surprises our mutual friends when they find out what we talk about because they claim he never talks about serious things unless he's piss drunk. :x Another thing... He doesn't talk much, and I hate talking on the phone, but we have phone conversations that always last more than an hour. @_@;; I hope that means something. ._.
I even feel comfortable being physically close to him. Like sitting next to him and leaning my head on his shoulder. Or linking my arm with his. Or holding hands. Or hugging. We've never kissed yet (even though he jokes that we should try it out >.<). But the thing is... I've never been comfortable doing these things with anyone else before. Not even my ex. I can't even hold hands with my girl friends because it feels awkward. But when we hold hands, I get this odd feeling in my tummy (butterflies, perhaps? I dunno). And it makes me smile. When I hold his hand (or when he holds mine, whichever you prefer), I feel safe. I feel like I actually connect with someone. I've never felt that comfortable with anyone besides my mother and sister. T_T
I can't trust him with my heart yet, though. I have no idea if he likes me like I like him. T_T But I'm happy with what we have right now. It's a special friendship that only the two of us understand. :)
I don't know why I feel this way with him... I know he has a LOT of flaws. I see those flaws a lot, actually. It gets on my nerves sometimes. I know we have conflicts sometimes. But we always manage to talk about our conflicts, and we find solutions for them. As for his flaws, I don't force him to change for me... But I wish he'd change for the better. ._.;; I know he never talks about his problems much. I wish he'd open up to me, like I open up to him. I want to be there for him like how he seems to always be there for me.
He's not the perfect guy, nor my ideal guy, and he's probably not even the type of guy you'd think I'd be destined to be with (unlike how my thing with G seemed to be "destiny"). But he makes me happy, in his own little ways. He makes me feel better when I'm down. That's what matters, right?
I hope I can do the same for him. ^^;;
So... Yeah. I guess I can elaborate more on the topics I've discussed here, but I'll save them for my new blog. :D
Here's to the end of my college life, and the end of this blog. :)
